


How To Do Right

by Lost_Elf



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby Rhys, Character Turned into a Baby, Domestic Fluff, Fix-It, Fluff, Good Dad Jack, Post-Tales from the Borderlands, Protective Jack, Vault of the Traveler, nothing sexual!, this is not creepy just sweet, what happened in the vault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22033984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Elf/pseuds/Lost_Elf
Summary: After opening the Vault of the Traveler, Rhys and Jack are up to an adventure they didn't ask for. Or they did, but this is not what they meant. Rhys gets turned into a toddler, and Jack is left with a new body and a baby he can't possibly explain.
Relationships: Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PunnyGamerGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunnyGamerGirl/gifts).



> So, yes, this really is happening. I've read so many works like this in the Marvel fandom, and I really wanted to read something like that about Jack and Rhys. Feel free to be inspired and write something about a BL character being turned into a baby too. It's a great concept/trope, IMO. Shamelessly fluffy, really.
> 
> I was a little worried something in this story would sound weird thanks to the language barrier, so please, warn me if I created something inappropriate. Please.
> 
> Enjoy gentle Jack. :)

**Setting**

Alternate ending to the fourth and fifth episode of TFTB. Nothing weird or bad happened at Jack's office, only a little friendly bonding chat, and Jack gave Atlas to Rhys as a gift. The Vault Hunters left Helios in peace, beat the bad guys, opened the Vault and destroyed the monster, somehow. Fiona and Rhys entered it together, with Jack still in Rhys' head.

* * *

 _And here we are now_ , Jack sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the growing migraine away. Being able to feel again stopped being nice when his back began to hurt and his head ache. He wasn't young anymore, unlike Rhys who happily crawled under the table, in a gap where Jack wouldn't be able to reach him without bending his hurting back.

"Rhysie, get outta there," he sighed and tried to pull the toddler out by his leg. But that only lead to Rhys losing a sock and giggling merrily, the sound echoing under the coffee table. Jack gave up, putting faith into the cleaning robots that took care of his penthouse that there is nothing dangerous under the furniture, and let the baby have some fun.

Rhys was so, _so_ lucky that Jack was there when the Vault asked them where do they wish to be. The girl disappeared instantly, probably wishing for something stupid, like just being with her sister. Rhys was probably about to do a similar mistake, but surprisingly, it was Jack's turn to speak. Naturally, he wished to be in his own, _living_ body, controlled and inhabited by him and him only. Nothing happened, and so he at least gave a little advice to the dumbass whose head he shared: _"Wish for another Vault. Preferably some that actually does sum shit."_

And in the next instant, they appeared in another Vault, right in front of the treasure. It was just a well, but Jack knew that nothing is _just_ a well with Eridians.

"Welcome, to the Vault of the Truth-bringer," a booming voice called from all around them.

 _How original_ , thought Jack.

"What truths do you wish to learn?" it asked them.

This time, Jack didn't have enough time to stop Rhys from doing something stupid. "Show me how to make something better out of Atlas. How to fix it, create something good of it..."

"Done," the voice thundered, and for a second, Jack got to watch dozens of warnings popping up on the boy's EHCOeye, disappearing too fast for him to read them. When it stopped, he could sense that something changed in his head, and he knew that now Rhys knows, knows the answer to his question.

"Whoa," the boy muttered dumbly.

"Use the knowledge wisely," the Eridian warned in the typical Eridian manner. "You will need one more thing to be a good CEO. A good leader needs a clean head."

For a second, Jack stopped existing, and then he was back there with Rhys. _Next to_ Rhys. In _his own body_. "Finally!" he called out, hugging the boy shamelessly just to feel the warmth of another person. And maybe he was happy to see him.

"What is your wish, John? What do you want to know? What knowledge do you think necessary to make your life complete?" They were mocking him, but he was too happy that he is alive to come up with a snarky response. He wasn't going to ask how to rule the universe, wasn't going to test his fate. Not yet, at least.

"Just show me how to do it right, this time. The whole living thing. Good person or sumthin'," he waved his hand dismissively. Then he heard a chuckle, and Rhys shrunk. Not only that, bud he aged backwards. And in less then five seconds, the adult man Jack might or might not be considering fuckable turned into a baby. Stupid cock-blocking aliens.

Of course, he wasn't going to leave Rhys here, because they were still something like friends. He wanted to ask the Eridian what the hell is happening and how is this going to help anyone, but a thundering roar echoed through the hall. The Vault monster. They got in without defeating it, so it was still alive, and apparently pissed.

A huge, huge serpent appeared from nowhere, made of something shiny and slimy. Jack didn't have the time to ponder over the strengths or weaknesses of such a monster, or the possible utilisation of it, because it was coming right for them. He reached for the gun that used to be strapped to his thigh, but there was nothing.

He could try to run, of course he could. Rhys would be a small morsel, but it might give him time. But don't forget – Jack was once a father. His instincts took over before he could make a bad decision, and he curled his body around the baby still sitting in a heap of clothes protectively. He expected to be swallowed whole, or maybe at least torn away from the boy, distracting the monster, but nothing happened. When he looked up, the serpent was gone.

Hesitantly, Jack picked the boy up, wrapped him in his shirt and got the heck out of there before the serpent changed its mind.

The boring tale of how Jack basically hitchhiked his way back to Helios, took over Hyperion again and spent one whole night binge-shopping for baby stuff can be skipped completely. The days spent at R&D screaming at the scientists to figure something out – what happened, how it happened, how can it unhappen, and if not, how can they make profit from this de-ageing process – were about as much productive. A month later, Jack finally accepted the fate and just... rolled with it?

Rhys' happy babbling grew quiet under the table, and Jack knew that the boy is finally growing tired. He spent the whole afternoon up and toddling around the house, keeping Jack from working because of his superpower to find danger even in a completely empty room. He was like a tiny, stupid, stupidly-cute magnet for trouble.

"Time for a bath, okay?" he asked the baby, not expecting an answer. Even though Rhys was able to get out a few basic words or word-like sounds, he always preferred to babble. Especially when Jack tried to teach him something, Rhys would pretend that he can't speak at all.

He bent down, pulled the half-sleeping baby from under the table and noted that it must have been really clean there, because his light blue onesie wasn't covered in dust. He might have even skipped the bath and left it for tomorrow morning if Rhys didn't throw up all over himself after eating snacks few hours ago. At moments like this, Jack was sure the Eridian was watching them and having a lot of fun.

As always, Rhys refused to go without a fight when he learned what's happening. As soon as Jack reached for the tap to run the bath, Rhys started struggling, almost falling out of his arms, but fortunately, Jack already knew how to handle a baby that hates bathing. Angel was the same.

Something warm spread in his chest at the memory, and Jack mused for a while how did it happen. He thought that any memory of Angel and his wife will forever only cause pain to him, like a stabbing wound in his chest. But ever since Rhys became a small, annoying, cute and stable part of his life, the pain grew smaller and smaller until only a little twinge was left. Now he could remember the moments he and his wife spent trying to get Angel to sleep with love, smile spreading over his face at the memory of Angel always trying to stuff as many toys in her mouth as possible.

"Hey, Rhysie," he talked gently to the struggling boy who looked close to throwing a tantrum, "look what is this," he held up a rubber duck. It was from one of his late-night shopping sprees, and there was Hyperion written on it's side. Under one wing was a caricature of a Hyperion-branded weapon. It only got the boy's attention for a second, and then he tried to wiggle free again. Muttering a mute curse, Jack reached for the other duck he had there. It was Atlas, and the stupid boy loved it. Jack tried to tell himself that the baby only likes it because there are bright red stripes on it. Little bastard.

Holding the duck, and – as expected – trying to put it in his mouth, Rhys let himself to be stripped of the onesie that went straight to the trash bin and lowered into water. When the warmth reached the middle of his chest, he finally realised the betrayal, and started crying. Jack's migraine spiked up, but he could ignore it for another couple minutes.

"Hey, hey, come on, just a few minutes," he tried to calm the boy while he quickly washed him. "If you listened to me and sat for a while after eating the puree, you wouldn't throw up and we could have avoided this," he chastised him in a loving voice, because if Rhys could pretend that he can't speak, Jack can pretend that he doesn't understand too.

Rhys stopped crying only when he was lifted from the water and wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, twice fluffier than anything Jack ever bought for himself, and he likes to spoil himself a lot. If the Eridians want him to raise the next Atlas CEO, he will make sure to spoil him stupid. But he still hoped that the effect will be reversed eventually, maybe when he makes a groundbreaking, life-changing realisation.

"You see? Bathed and still alive. Water is _good_ , Rhys," he chastised in the soft voice again. The boy squealed something and buried his face in Jack's chest. "Yeah, whatever, I won't argue with you..."

He quickly walked to the room that became Rhys'... palace, basically. Everything was top-quality here, the bed, the changing table, the toys, soft rug, rocking chair, everything. Only the best for the young CEO. Very young CEO. Baby CEO.

Jack picked some pyjama onesie with a Loader Bot motif and quickly changed Rhys into it. Then they went to the bathroom again, to brush the six teeth he had. Rhys was half-sleeping on his shoulder as Jack moved around the kitchen, preparing a bottle of milk deftly with one hand, and when he put him to bed and let him drink, he fell asleep before he was able to drink it all, the bottle falling from his small hands.

Jack picked it up, turned off all the lights except for one small lamp, and with a sigh he sat in the rocking chair. Pulling out his comm, he got to do some work in peace before Rhys woke up exactly at midnight, as every day, crying for whichever reason. Probably to punish Jack more for his terrible past. But if that was the goal, it wasn't working, because the CEO only smiled, shutting down work. "What is it this time?" he asked the crying boy, picking him up. His nose gave him the answer, and Jack cursed; one point for the Eridians.

When Rhys was clean and in a fresh nappy, he was too lively to go to sleep willingly, but Jack knew what to do. He sat in the rocking chair again, letting the boy crawl all over him until he found a spot he liked and settled, sitting on Jack's lap, head resting on his stomach. Jack continued to rock slowly, waiting for Rhys to go to sleep, but his brown eyes refused to close.

"What is going on in the tiny head of yours, huh?" he asked him, booping his nose, making him giggle.

"Yaaa!" Rhys called out, a sound that Jack suspected was the maimed corpse of what used to be the word _Jack_. "Yaaa!"

"What's that?" he asked, pulling the baby up to rest on his chest.

"Yaaa," he said again, reaching out with a tiny hand towards Jack's face, pointing at him with two fingers. Pointing then turned into touching when his attention was taken by Jack's mask, and the boy started playing with the clasp. Unable to say no to him, Jack let him have his fun.

"Come on, Rhys. Say Jack. Friend Jack. Uncle Jack. Whatever you fucking want; just show me that the Eridians didn't scramble the genius brain of yours! J-a-ck. Jack."

"Yaaa!"

Jack groaned, but it turned into a chuckle, then more as Rhys pulled at the clasp, making the taut skin around it tickle. "You are so stupid you probably called your mom daddy and dad by your neighbour's name," Jack insulted the unsuspecting boy without any shame, because it made him giggle again. Then Rhys' eyes travelled to the abandoned bottle. "Want your baba? Num-num? Yummy for your tummy?" But the boy reminded indifferent to the words, instead babbling his usual.

Jack handed him the bottle, repeating the words, hoping the boy will finally pick some to use. But then he frowned, catching one sound in the babbling that sounded too familiar. "Yabba?" he repeated it, and Rhys smiled and repeated it too, raising the bottle to his lips, fighting with gravity and his sleepiness. "That's what you call it?" Jack mused as he helped Rhys drink. "Where did that come from?"

When the bottle was empty, Rhys let it fall and rested his head on Jack's chest again. "Paaah," he babbled with a yawn, and Jack frowned again, because he totally heard him use this before when he was tired. Maybe Rhys used his own baby talk? Traumatised children came up with their own speech, right? But he didn't look traumatised.

He carried the boy to his crib, pressing a kiss mindlessly to his forehead. "Good night, you stupid little cuddle monster," he said to the already sleeping boy who kept clutching his finger for another second before letting go.

After setting up the baby monitor, Jack finally walked to his own bedroom. He didn't go to bed yet; instead he pulled up Rhys' old employee file. This time he didn't look up his education, or his birthday, or parents. He looked at the planet of his origin, and suddenly, it all made sense a little more. Rhys knew how to talk. But not in English. Because the planet he came from had it's own language.

"Couldn't've made it easy for me, could ya?" he chuckled. With a quick call he got some overpaid guy from HR to create a dictionary for him with the most basic words and sentences, and then he finally went to sleep. He didn't even realise his headache was gone at first, but falling asleep without pain was a feeling so unfamiliar that it made him frown. He thought back, clearly remembering still having the migraine when he was working, and then he realised when it dissipated. No better stress-relief than having a giggling baby on your lap.


	2. Chapter 2

"Samuel _Toe'l_ , Toe, Tow, or however you pronounce it. Advertisement department, age thirty-six, working for Hyperion ever since finishing school. Tell me, Sammy, do you want to keep it that way?" Jack asked, eyeing the man with a grin. The poor, frightened employee stopped dead in his tracks as soon as the CEO started speaking, which is still in the door-frame. Dumbly, he nodded and looked to the papers in his hand, probably wondering how he managed to screw something up so fast. "Good. Now, if you want to continue not being airlocked and having a job, you might want to not make any loud noises while being in my office. Are we clear?" Jack asked, raising from his seat to look even more scary.

When the short man nodded again, Jack gesticulated for him to come in and begin to speak. Wisely, Samuel kept his voice low, a mere whisper as he recited the numbers from his department's report. He might get a promotion for that. Guys from Ads liked to boast, talk loudly and obnoxiously, and that would definitely wake up the baby sleeping in the shadow by the black couch, hidden away from anyone's sight. But Samuel obviously liked being alive, and he might even know what he is talking about, or he could fake it enough for Jack to believe it.

"Okay, leave the report here, and go move your things to your new office. You are promoted. No need to thank me, or to do any more noises. Now, go," Jack waved the man off. He was out in less than five seconds, somehow managing not to stomp as he ran.

Stretching and sighing, Jack went to check on the toddler sleeping on a baby blanket. It looked like Rhys was growing another tooth, so sleep was a miracle Jack would kill for to make it last. When he was sure that he wasn't waking up, he silently messaged Meg to let another idiot in. The cycle of soft-spoken threats and frightened, whispering employees repeated until Jack noticed a motion in the corner of his eye. Rhys woke up, but instead of crying he calmly stood up and began to toddle towards Jack.

The CEO contemplated his options. He can kill the employee, but the man is on high enough position not to tell anybody he saw Rhys. He can send him away with a death threat and reschedule his meeting. But a quick search on his computer told him that the man has three kids, five-month-old twins and a three-year-old, and so he decided to go on with the meeting. He stood up, with a wave of his hand telling the man to go on when he stopped speaking, and he walked to meet Rhys under the stairs leading to his desk. The toddler has been able to climb stairs before, but there still was his superpower of hurting himself during the most banal activities, so Jack didn't want to risk it now.

"Had a nice nap?" he asked him, picking him up. He searched his memory for the word that meant sleep in tiny-Rhys' language, but he still didn't have the hang of it, and he didn't remember. So it stayed at that.

Rhys was still sleepy and quiet, so he didn't interrupt the meeting with his babbling. The manager Jack was talking to was smart enough, and he kept looking the boss in the eyes, not at the baby. Even when Rhys fell asleep in his arms and started drooling on his jacket, or when he woke up and started grabbing at Jack's chin clamp. Jack, momentarily distracted, pretended to lightly bite Rhys' hand, causing him to giggle, because almost anything was funny to his tiny head. When he returned is attention to the manager, the man was still looking at him with straight face and talking about stuff.

"And that's all we have for now," he said after another minute of talking, to which Jack wasn't listening at all, because he was busy tapping Rhys' nose and making booping noises. Sometimes, he got distracted like that. He wasn't like that with Angel, if he can tell. He was always working late, and when he was home, he spent the time playing with her until she fell asleep, sure, but those were usually mere minutes. With Rhys constantly around, he learned about himself that he really likes kids. No-one needs to know that, of course. It goes straight to the _Handsome Jack's Top Secrets_ folder.

"Yeah, yeah, great. Deadline is still on Friday. You know what to do; don't disappoint me." He waved the man off and got back to tickling Rhys.

"Never, sir," the man puffed his chest and turned to leave.

"Rogers," Jack called after him warningly, the stern voice making the baby in his arms still. "What you saw there..."

"I didn't see anything, sir," the man assures him quickly. "I have kids, sir. I know how much I would do to protect them. You can be sure I wouldn't—"

"Yeah, great, fuck off already." Even though Jack likes the employees he doesn't need to consider a threat to Rhys a bit more than the rest, he still doesn't want to be in the presence of the idiots for longer than a few minutes. Looking at his schedule and the next person's personal file, he decides that he doesn't want to risk the next one, a young ambitious middle-manager, and he tells Meg to reschedule him.

"Looks like we have fifteen minutes to do something about you," Jack told Rhys, who blinked at him and then giggled, a string of drool falling from his lips. "Charming..." the CEO chuckled. "Want _hamu_?" he asked, one of the words he already learned, and Rhys perked up, repeating the word. "Alright, then."

The small fridge in Handsome Jack's office used to be filled with alcohol, quick snacks, and ice-cream filling the small freezing space. Now, it was filled to the brim with baby food. Jack couldn't not go to work, even with Rhys, so he made his office child-friendly (as much as he was comfortable with). But the problem was, he didn't want anyone to see Rhys. He kept avoiding actual live meetings as much as he could, or he would let some of the few people he trusted look after Rhys for a few hours, but he couldn't go like this forever, and so he sometimes let Meg schedule a few meetings in the times Rhys napped.

After feeding the baby some puree, and opening a box of apple slices for him, he sat on the couch with an ECHOpad in hand and let Rhys roam the office. Fortunately, there were enough interesting things on the baby blanket and around it, so the toddler didn't feel the need to crawl too far away. That one time Jack found Rhys standing by the low railing separating the office from the fountain was enough warning for him, and he made sure he would have enough toys there for him to hold his attention ever since.

After reading some reports and sending a few emails, he walked over to Rhys, who was currently trying to fit his foot, clad in a neon pink sock (he literally refused to have socks on if they weren't crazy-coloured), in his mouth, a plush loader bot still clutched and forgotten in his other hand.

Jack looked at the tiny arm contemplatively. Rhys got both is eyes and arms back. He wondered if it would stay like that when he got back to his adult form. (Jack still refused to believe Rhys wouldn't go back to being himself. If only because the Eridian promised to make him a good CEO of Atlas, and he can't be that when he can't even go potty; _and_ , the corporation won't exist much longer if nobody takes over. It will merge with Hyperion naturally.)

"So, do you feel like turning back today, huh?" he asked. Rhys paid him no mind, continuing his mission. "Right... How about the tooth? Still bothering you?"

Talking like that might seem pointless, but it was the easiest way to teach Rhys English (again). If the toddler wasn't ignoring Jack's effort intentionally. One never knows with kids. Angel one day decided that she doesn't eat broccoli, and, thinking that she probably saw this behaviour on TV and won't give up, Jack and his wife just went with it and stopped cooking broccoli. And then Angel admitted that she likes broccoli, because it makes her feel strong, but she wanted to see if they would make broccoli animals for her like in the children movie she saw. Kids...

Rhys let go of his leg and his mouth remained open as he searched for more interesting things to put in, and so Jack used the moment to gently prod at his gums. A new tooth was already half out, and Jack couldn't stop the feeling of pride that filled him, however stupid that was. His father brain was back full-force, and he couldn't resist. 

_Stupid Eridians._

With a sigh, Jack picked the toddler up, deciding to do more research on the Vault of the Truth-bringer (name still seems stupid). To do so, he needs more than just an ECHOpad, and so he sat in his chair and let Rhys pull papers from his table, drool on them and crumble them, while he read through endless encrypted files on his computer. When Rhys got bored, he decided to stand up on Jack's lap to reach further on his desk. The CEO steadied him with one hand and continued working.

When Rhys pulled himself up on the table, Jack did one of those things that used to get him the coldest death-glares from his wife – that one gun from the table he moved out of the baby's reach, he took hold of one of his ankles, making sure he won't be able to crawl to the other end of the desk, and he continued ignoring him. Rhys whined for a while, trying to free his leg, probably so he can crawl away and fall, as he likes to do, but then he gave up and started discovering the things on the desk.

After a while, papers seemed to become boring, and picking up random solid objects and licking them (the non-lickable ones Jack always removed in time), or tossing them across the room, intentionally or on accident, also ended, because there was nothing left in the boy's reach. A suspicious silence spread in the room. It got Jack to actually look away from his monitor, and what he saw made his eyebrows shot high up his forehead. Rhys seem to be fascinated by the shiny yellow hand sticking from Jack's desk, and he was touching the joints, trying to make them move by more than an inch.

"That's not a toy, Rhys," Jack warned him in a stern voice, pulling him away from it to sit him back on his lap, out of reach. The toddler didn't like that at all. He started crying, trying to wiggle free from Jack's hands to get to the table again.

"Rhys," Jack growled, turning him around so the shiny thing was out of his field of sight, "that's not a toy. The thing costed _billions_ to create. More than your precious Gortys. And it's my _only_ chance at _immortality_ , now. With the exoskelet, I might be immortal, forever there _for you_ and Hyperion," though some nagging feeling in the back of Jack's head told him that this is not about anyone but himself alone, "and..." He stopped. Not because the baby wasn't listening anyway, just screaming, but because... immortality?

Handsome Jack eyed the yellow hand, and it was like the thing looked back at him mockingly. Then, he reached for it and broke the hand off. He gave it to Rhys with a warning, "Don't put it in your mouth. Who knows what Nakashama did with it," and then he put the already calming toddler on the ground.

Immortality... Living forever, working with assholes forever, being betrayed over and over, and abandoned by everyone, for eternity.

He exchanged _that_ for ten minutes of Rhys' quiet playing, until the hand stopped being interesting to him, and he started rummaging through Jack's lowest drawer.


	3. Chapter 3

The list of people Jack trusted was short, since Vault Hunters killed Wilhelm and Nisha, Athena hated him, Moxxi was a bitch, Hyperion employees couldn't be trusted, and Angel was gone. In the end, who Jack decided to trust was Timothy, his first body double.

Call him sentimental, but Jack really liked the man, to the point he trusted him even with Rhys. Timothy never tried to betray him, and he was more than happy to see him after Jack freed him from the casino. Only ten or so Jacks were still alive, Tim in the best condition, so he was ready to work for Jack again, but the CEO had other plans for him.

"Jack, that's a... baby... A living baby... It's sleeping..." he stammered, eyes wide as he observed Jack pacing the room with a drooling toddler in his arms. "There is a sleeping baby in your arms," he noted.

Jack pretended to gasp and look down in shock. "Wow, never noticed it. Thanks for telling me, Tim-Tams, I wouldn't know. Excuse me while I dispose of it," he walked towards the spot where the trapdoor was.

"No!" Tim called out, making a hesitant step forward, although the threat wasn't enough for him to actually attack Handsome Jack. Yet. "I mean—"

Jack turned back to him, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes. "Timmy Timmy, Tim, what do you even _think_ of me?" he chastised him. "Of course I'm not gonna hurt him, you idiot!" he made sure to keep his voice low and soft, so Rhys wouldn't wake up. It took him too long to finally get him to sleep. "In fact, you are here to make sure he is safe," he explained.

"M-me? Him? ... Me?" the double continued stammering.

"Yes, you. I have a meeting I really need to go to and my secretary is busy. You take care of Rhys while I'm gone. You will get paid, don't worry. And if something happens to him, I can assure you your death will be slow and painful," he promised, already setting Rhys up in the double's arms.

"But I don't know how—" Tim squealed, gingerly holding the boy.

"Just hold him, rock him. He will wake up if you put him down. He was kinda fussy all morning, I think his stomach hurt from the crackers he had for breakfast. He will sleep for another hour at least. And if not, there are toys, snacks in the fridge, bottle is... somewhere," he looked around, having no idea where it was dropped, but he pays Tim enough for him to play a little finding game. "Anyway, have fun here. I really need to go."

* * *

And that's how Timothy Lawrence met Rhys Strongfork, the tiny CEO of Atlas. When Jack got back later, the two were sitting on the baby blanket, Tim humming a melody to the small boy while he played with a rag doll. Jack knew that he can trust his double with the baby.

But one man is not enough, especially when Jack often needs him elsewhere. So, grinding his teeth and preparing for the worst, Jack has three Vault Hunters brought to neutral ground on Pandora, promising to come in peace to talk. Rhys he leaves with Timothy, this time with an instruction to run the fuck away if Jack doesn't come back.

Standing in the middle of the plain, Jack is only slightly suspicious. Yes, they are thirty minutes late, but he supposes they are just waiting in the distance, watching him. He would do the same. Besides, he is equipped with the best shield in existence, and has an army on his back and call. He feels pretty safe. Even the weather is nice. The sun is slowly settling, bathing him in orange glow that he believes makes him look even more handsome.

Finally, five figures come slowly marching towards him. One of them is Gortys, small again. The short one he supposes is Vaughn. Two are the bandit chicks, but who is the last one? Jack momentarily tenses up, fearing that this is a trap, after all, but no. It's Loader Bot, just heavily modified, Pandora-style. It took a lot of damage during the hunt, so they probably improvised half of his body.

"I thought we agreed on one on three," he calls out when they are close enough. "Are y'all scared of me? Had to bring friends?" he mocks. Why does he moc them when he is there to make peace? He sighs. "Anyway, let's talk about—"

"Where is Rhys?!" the girl in a hat interrupts him.

Jack rolls his eyes, making damn sure they see it. "I was just about to get—"

"Spit it out," the other girl growls, though Jack is sure she is much less brave then she is trying to appear.

Normally, or, _before_ , Jack would already be having the people killed, maybe even strangling some himself, but he can't. He reminds himself that those are Rhys' friends, he can't kill them, he shouldn't. They just need to talk it out. "Rhys," he begins, but is interrupted again.

"What did you do to him?!" asks the short man, much braver than Jack remembers him to be.

"Will you just let me SPEAK?!" Jack roars, finally shocking them into silence. "Thank you," he spits out. "Now, to the point. Rhys needs your help. I— I need your help with Rhys." It's hard to admit, for Handsome Jack, that he needs help of a group of bandits, and they should be gaping in awe, or at least complimenting him, but no.

"What did you do to him, you sick fuck?!" the— Fiona! Fiona asks him. He can see her subconsciously reaching for her pistol. So much for not bringing weapons to this meeting...

"I did nothing," he growls, still pretty patient, but god knows how much longer can he keep it up. "The Vault did this to him."

They don't look like they trust him, but at least he got their interest. "What happened at the Vault?" Fiona asks him, while Sasha is busy telling Gortys that it's definitely not her fault.

"Great question!" he exclaims, giving her a thumbs-up. "What happened at the Vault? Well, while you probably wished for something terribly stupid, Rhys and I – I was in his head the whole time, by the way; surprise!"

"We know," Sasha informs him, tilting her head towards Vaughn. "It took him a lot to persuade us that Rhys is not a dick."

Jack decided to ignore that and went on with the story. He told them the important parts, that Rhys is a baby now, and he has a body, and then got to the problem. "I'm kinda busy ruling Hyperion, and I need someone I can trust to look after Rhys while I shoot and airlock people."

What he receives is an array of emotions, from anger to confusion. The first one to recover is Fiona, and she scowls at him. Then she looks triumphant. "If you don't have the time for him, give him to us. We can take care of him."

"Nice try, princess," Jack smiles at her sarcastically. "I'm looking for a bunch of nannies that can fight a Vault monster for their friend. I'm not putting Rhys away. Besides, we need to stay close. Whatever the stupid aliens wanted to achieve, they meant for us to stay together."

"How can you know that?" Sasha asks doubtfully.

"You got a better theory?" he shoots back, mirroring her defensive posture.

"No, but I've got a better plan than sitting around and waiting for Rhys to grow up."

"And that is?" Jack raises an eyebrow at her.

"Get him away from a psychopath like you, for starts." Her face was smug again, like she made a valid point.

Jack wasn't having any of that. "So, you claim to be Rhys' friends, but you don't want to do anything to get him back? You'd rather let him stuck in the form of a baby than let me figure it out? Would your ego shatter if the big bad Handsome Jack saved your friend?" he took a step closer, towering over the girl. "I swallowed my pride to give you all a chance to help him. If you can't do the same, you probably aren't his friends, and therefore I have no business with you." He goes as far as to turn his back to them, leaving.

"Fine!" Fiona calls out, angry more than defeated. "What do you want from us?"

Jack grinned, still turned away from them. Perfect!

* * *

Unexpected obstacles arose when Jack found himself actually liking the people that looked after Rhys for him. At first, he thought that it is some lesson in trust. That he needs to learn that there are loyal people in the world. But no, there had to be something else, and for the billionth time, Jack felt like the Eridians had this all planned out to the last detail.

Trust goes both ways. At first, the Vault Hunters were hesitant to leave Rhys alone with Jack. But they soon noticed the pattern; Rhys was much calmer with the CEO, having known him for longer. And Jack was still the only one who knew how to handle kids and knew Rhys' language. Though, as soon as the Vault Hunters learned about the dictionary, it became a challenge for both sides to learn the language faster. Vaughn nailed it, learning it all overnight, while Jack triumphantly decided that he knows enough the next afternoon.

On the other hand, Jack was hesitant to leave Rhys alone with the kids. With Tim, he never left him for long, either. The double got to change some nappies, feed Rhys or put him to bed, but it was still Jack who took care of him for the majority of the day. He believed that nobody else can do that. But Rhys never got hurt with his friends, and the work Jack had been skipping on was piled up so high, so he budged and agreed to leave Rhys with the Vault Hunters for most of the day, three times a week. But he made sure to pay the toddler enough attention outside of that, showing him that he didn't forget about him.

After a month of this, Jack felt confident enough about his security precautions that he stopped insisting on the Vault Hunters to be staying in one room when with Rhys, and he let them roam Helios. The security they got wasn't much more suspicious than their presence alone, and nobody would be able to make the connection between Jack and Rhys like that, so he was almost safe.

None of this stopped Jack from worrying, of course. He kept checking security feeds, had a tracker always at least on four things Rhys was wearing or carrying around that day. One day, Jack tried to challenge himself, and he measured how long he was able to work in peace before insecurity took over and he checked on Rhys. Fifteen minutes was his best score.

It was pathetic. It's not like Rhys is his friend, or business partner, or anything else anymore. It was just a random baby that was pawned off on Jack. Which was a terrible idea, given Jack's track record with kids. Why would he care, and why would the Eridians want him to care?

But he did. He cared too much, and he knew that it's taking his attention off Hyperion, and he couldn't even bring himself to be mad about that. Fuck Hyperion. Fuck Vaults, fuck aliens, fuck immortality and whatever else he has to give up if he wants Rhys back!

Because he does.

He wants Rhys back suspiciously much.


	4. Chapter 4

"Grow up."

Rhys sat on his chest, giggling whenever it rose as he breathed. He kept pulling at the buttons of his shirt and waistcoat until he managed to open at least half of them, and he was sweetly oblivious to Jack's mood.

"Grow the fuck up," Jack nudged the toddlers side, sending him into a fit of laughter that eventually led to Rhys falling off of him. The kid didn't seem to mind as he crawled on Jack again, sitting on his stomach this time, squishing his inner organs. Jack grunted and moved him higher, because difficult breathing was less painful than this.

Rhys decided to play with his chin clasp this time, deftly flicking it open after already doing it many times. "Jaaack," he babbled, the word not just right, but they were getting there. He leaned for another clasp, supporting himself with one small hand on Jack's neck, which was quickly moved away, much to his disliking.

"Grow up, Rhys," the adult murmured as he opened the remaining clasps for him and took off the mask, giving it to the toddler. That calmed him down and he started waving the mask around. Jack got back to his grumbling. "Grooooow up."

Stupid Eridians. Stupid freaking Vault. Next time he gets to talk to one, he is going to tell them to suck a butt. Right after he begs them to give him his Rhys back.

"Hey, Rhysie," he says cheerily, getting the kid's attention for a second. "Have you thought about growing up?" But as always, he doesn't understand, and so he just giggles and continues playing with the mask. He tries to put it on the way he sees Jack and the confused noises he makes when he doesn't see anything through it resonate under its surface.

"Grow up, Rhysie," Jack sighs as he helps move the mask so Rhys can see with at least one brown eye. "I need you to take over Atlas. There is cool stuff waiting in their facilities. I'm sure there are robots!" That gets Rhys to drop the mask and laugh at Jack, robots being one of the words he already learned. But the CEO isn't even smiling anymore. "Come on, buddy. Grow up, so I can tell you how much I miss you."

* * *

"So, how's the weather down there, short stuff?" Vaughn jabs at the toddler crawling over the baby blanket, looking for a toy to play with. "Yeah, right," he sighs. "That stopped being funny the first time I said it." He picks the baby up and carries him to the sofa and conference table where a puree is ready for him.

"You know, I think Jack is being serious when he says he cares about you," he says as he feeds the toddler – who is actually his friend as old as him – with a plastic spoon. "Yesterday, when I came to pick you up, I heard him saying _grow up, grow up, grow the ef up_ , over and over again. I think he, I dunno, grew used to you when you shared a head? You know what, you tell me. What's between you two?"

The baby, of course, doesn't answer. He reaches for the spoon, and Vaughn is not quick enough to move it away, so Rhys gets some puree on his hand and then all over his red and grey Atlas onesie Vaughn got him as a joke. "You know," he says as he watches the disaster spreading from the toddler's clothes to the sofa too. "I'm gonna try it too. _Grow up_ , Rhys. You used to be genius, come on!"

* * *

"He's drooling on your shoulder," Sasha noted with a suppressed chuckle. " _Again_."

"Oh, come on, Rhys," Fiona groaned as she put the half-asleep baby back into the stroller. "That's what I get for carrying you, you ungrateful —"

Sasha punched her shoulder before the insult could leave her sister's mouth, being the only one who cared about not teaching the boy bad words. "I think it's his way of saying I love you, Fi!" she teased, earning a glare from her sister.

"Well," Fiona said, crossing her arms on her chest, " _I_ think that Rhys is secretly in there, and he is doing it on purpose. You hear that, asshole?" she turned to the baby. "We got you! We know you are there! So, turn. Back. To normal. So I can. Punch you."

The words were fiery, but there was no real fire in the con artist. She just wanted her friend back. They all did.

* * *

"Oh no, not again!" Timothy groaned. He changed Rhys into clean clothes _ten minutes ago_ after an unhappy accident, and now the boy managed to somehow open his sippy cup and spill the warm tea all over himself. As the liquid began to cool, he squirmed in discomfort and started crying.

Thankfully, Jack didn't lie when he said he will only be gone for thirty minutes, and he came back just at the right time. "Glad you are here, boss!" Tim called enthusiastically, standing up. "Don't go looking for the spare change of clothes, because _those_ are the spare clothes. Good luck!" he called already over his shoulder as he escaped the office.

When the door closed behind him, he chuckled. Jack was used to dealing with this, but Tim's patience wasn't endless. He was a Vault Hunter, not a nanny. Not that Rhys wasn't the sweetest baby he ever met, and he was sure he was a cool adult too, if he could judge by Jack's stories, but this just wasn't for him. He will make it up to him when he grows up, either by magic or naturally. He can teach him engineering, computers, anything, just don't make him change any more nappies.

* * *

"Here you go, a clean baby, and you didn't even dissolve in the water," Jack hummed. Rhys still hated baths, and this had been a fight, but now it's over.

He carried the toddler to a mat, having everything ready at hand, a routine he was able to perform half asleep by now. A creme on the butt, wait a few minutes, baby powder, hope Rhys doesn't decide to pee on himself during that few minutes... Entertaining the boy with toys, so he doesn't get fussy, while continuously mumbling his mantra of _Do you feel like growing up already?_

He tried everything in the past months. R&D came up with nothing – as expected, honesty. No resources on the Vault, and his attempt to get there again failed, because the door he came out of disappeared. He changed... Handsome Jack changed, a lot, just like the stupid aliens wanted.

He learned to take the mask off in front of the people he grew close to.

He worked on his feelings, learned to contain rage and express gratitude.

He gave up immortality.

He trained people to help him with Hyperion so he has more time for important things at home.

He did everything he thought the universe wanted.

And it still wouldn't be enough.

What would he give for hearing that stupid ass talking English again. Probably yelling at Jack for getting him a pink pyjama with princesses and fairies... Or just staring at him wide-eyed in awe of Jack's genius...

A scream.

" _What the fuck, Jack?!_ "


	5. Chapter 5

As you can imagine, the explaining didn't go well at all, at first. That's why Jack is currently holding an ice pack to his face where the cybernetic arm hit him.

Fortunately, Rhys let him explain, and after two hours of viewing photos, videos and other proofs, he even started to believe that this is not some weird prank from the CEO. The fact that every one of his friends suddenly seemed to speak his mother language helped. And the new bruise Fiona created on his shoulder, _"for all the drool"_. When Sasha hit him in the exact same spot for lying about the AI in his head, he went for another ice pack, and sat next to Jack, both grumbling that violence isn't necessary.

"So, how did you get me to turn back? What changed?" he asked expectantly, but nobody had an answer to that. "Anyway, thank you all for taking care of me... and stuff... sorry for whatever I did." He scratched the back of his neck, causing the too big shirt he borrowed from Jack to fall from his shoulder again.

"Nah, you were good and I have enough blackmail material on the CEO of Atlas for the rest of my life; all's good," Jack laughs.

"Uh-uh," Fiona shakes her head. "I want to hear it again. He drooled on my hat!"

"Look, I'm sorry!" Rhys throws his arms in the air and winces when the ice pack falls from his shoulder to his legs, soaking through the burrowed sweatpants.

"Honestly, can we just not give him his ID back?" Sasha chuckles as she helps him put it back on the bruise. "He should be locked up somewhere in a room full of pillows. But no, actually, no pillows, or the idiot smothers himself to death."

"Jack definitely should keep putting trackers on him," Vaughn agrees.

"And set up for at least three people to be looking after him at all times," Fiona chimes in, nodding her head, face all seriousness.

Rhys frowns. "Uhm, guys, I'm here, you know?"

"Look, our baby said a full sentence! He is growing up so fast!"

* * *

When all was said and done (many hugs, if you are asking what has been done), everyone went their separate ways to their apartments and rooms. Except for Rhys, obviously. His old apartment was long gone, things burned, stolen or locked away. He didn't mind staying the night at Jack's, though. His friends didn't even bother offering their couches.

He spent another twenty minutes admiring all the nice, modern and techy stuff Jack had. Most of it was obviously attacked by a toddler in the past weeks, with little hand prints, drool and other stains. Everything sharp, heavy or breakable was stored out of a small person's reach.

Jack watched Rhys in silence. He had a few funny or interesting remarks about some of the stuff that got the young man's attention, but most of them died on his tongue. He couldn't bring himself to speak, because he knew that what he will actually say will be either stupid or very stupid.

Finally, exhaustion got to Rhys, and he started rubbing his eyes. "Damn aliens," he grumbled. "My ECHO eye hurts. Stings like a bitch."

"Language," Jack blurted out. It was a reflex, an instinct. Not that the adults put much effort into not swearing in front of the baby, but they still enjoyed reprimanding each other for doing it. And Jack used to be proud of the fact that Angel never swore...

Both men stare at each other, Rhys blinking, Jack out of words. Then, Rhys chuckles. It turns into a laugh. "Oh my God!" he exclaims through fits of laughter. "Did you really—?! Oh my—!"

"Glad that you are having fun, pumpkin," Jack grumbled, not liking that Rhys is laughing at him. "Sorry that I cared about you."

That shut Rhys up immediately, the man blushing and fidgeting. "No, sorry, I... Thank you for looking after me while I was, you know..." He doesn't look the CEO in the eyes again. "I should probably go to bed now. Sorry again. I... Sorry." He turns to leave, but Jack doesn't want that, that was not what he intended, and he screwed up, he should have just been quiet, but now he has to speak up quick—

"Rhys, wait!" he says rather urgently. "I didn't— Damn, Rhys... I'm just— I'm just happy that you are back. Very happy. I... You know that I... I mean..."

It's unusual for Handsome Jack to stutter. Usually, no, _always_ , it happens when he is excited. He doesn't stutter when taking to people he... likes. That is so bellow him. Handsome Jack can have anybody he wants. Why would he stutter? He can just—

"You what?" Rhys asks nervously, still fidgeting.

Taking a deep breath, Jack forces himself to say it. "I missed you." He forces himself to look up just in time to see Rhys' surprised face, a light smile on it.

"I can't say I missed you, because I don't remember the past weeks," Rhys says, eventually, "but... I'm happy I woke up here, you know. With you..."

Jack's brain finally kicks in, and he grins. "Want to wake up next to me again tomorrow morning?" He adds a wink, relishing in the way the younger man blushes.

Rhys never uses a spare room again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over, friends. :( I hope this trope will become more common in this fandom. A character being turned into a baby is top for me. :')

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this, but I don't promise anything.
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/ElfWriting)


End file.
